I Have Decided...

I have had some weeks of stress and worry and indecision about what to do.
Today hubby and I had an appt in home dialysis at Orillia Soldier's Memorial Hospital to be educated about PD dialysis. Originally I told mom and thought to myself that I would choose to use the night time cycler because it seems to be the least intrusive choice for my life and the way in which I prefer to live it. My diabetic nurse suggested Hemo might be better and wanted me to get a prepared by getting a fistula and asking the doctor about this. I didn't want a fistula...still don't actually but, immediately freaked out about it and did have a convo with Dr. where he suggested I lose 10 pounds and have a PD catheter buried so it would be ready for use when I get closer to the time of failure and dialysis. So I said ok and did manage to lose the weight but then expressed that I wanted more information so I could be sure  was making the correct choice for me at my last clinic appt. So we made today's appt. and went to speak to Jodi and learn about manual PD, connections, and the night time cycler machine. I could also learn about Hemo as well but after today I don't believe it is necessary. I'm pretty sure I can handle this. I'm pretty sure eventually it will become just as much a part of life and second hat to me as taking my insulin or aranesp shots (which I freaked out about and hated in the beginning as well) and I will do as I have always done. I will HANDLE it!
So next clinic appt. in June I will request appt for buried catheter and get prepared for kidney failure.
HOPEFULLY it will still be a long way off yet! ;) But, I will be READY and I feel much better about it.

Tattoo

This is the next tattoo I want with the name Mojirayo.

Unfortunately I wanted to have it put on my right wrist 

and I might have to get a fistula in that arm  soon.

I either have to give up on it or decide on a different spot for it...OR...

put it there anyway and deal with it looking awful when my fistula is made.

I WILL  have the tattoo and I will NOT allow this disease to take every joy and choice from me.

Feel Better

I have three months till next visit to try and lose 10 pounds so I can have a buried tube put in for PD dialysis and then will be ready for it when it is needed or if I crash from sickness and lose my kidneys all of a sudden.
I'm happier knowing that I CAN do PD because I think it will be the least intrusive and easier to manage once I know what I have to do and get everything figured out.
I didn't really realize how much I DON'T want a fistula and hemo dialysis until I was sure that I don't HAVE to have it. WOW!
I hope it is still a long way away from me but I'm ready to face the journey if it is not.
Dialysis will be ok.
I CAN do this!!

From now on Aranesp will be taken every 2 weeks. ;)

Stressing

Clinic tomorrow morning and as usual I'm worrying and stressing.
I'm not really thrilled with the idea of a fistula and it's the next thing on the list (on the advice of my diabetic nurse)...I don't know what to do, what to decide but I guess I'm going to need to have a chat with the Dr. about all of it. Bite the bullet again and face up to these things that I CANNOT avoid. :(