I Have Decided...

I have had some weeks of stress and worry and indecision about what to do.
Today hubby and I had an appt in home dialysis at Orillia Soldier's Memorial Hospital to be educated about PD dialysis. Originally I told mom and thought to myself that I would choose to use the night time cycler because it seems to be the least intrusive choice for my life and the way in which I prefer to live it. My diabetic nurse suggested Hemo might be better and wanted me to get a prepared by getting a fistula and asking the doctor about this. I didn't want a fistula...still don't actually but, immediately freaked out about it and did have a convo with Dr. where he suggested I lose 10 pounds and have a PD catheter buried so it would be ready for use when I get closer to the time of failure and dialysis. So I said ok and did manage to lose the weight but then expressed that I wanted more information so I could be sure  was making the correct choice for me at my last clinic appt. So we made today's appt. and went to speak to Jodi and learn about manual PD, connections, and the night time cycler machine. I could also learn about Hemo as well but after today I don't believe it is necessary. I'm pretty sure I can handle this. I'm pretty sure eventually it will become just as much a part of life and second hat to me as taking my insulin or aranesp shots (which I freaked out about and hated in the beginning as well) and I will do as I have always done. I will HANDLE it!
So next clinic appt. in June I will request appt for buried catheter and get prepared for kidney failure.
HOPEFULLY it will still be a long way off yet! ;) But, I will be READY and I feel much better about it.

Stress

Stressing and stressing and stressing and trying to forget by reading, reading, reading...thankfully the story has captured my attention very well and distracts me somewhat from the stress.
I don't know what to do so I will just BREATH...and READ.

Stressing

Clinic tomorrow morning and as usual I'm worrying and stressing.
I'm not really thrilled with the idea of a fistula and it's the next thing on the list (on the advice of my diabetic nurse)...I don't know what to do, what to decide but I guess I'm going to need to have a chat with the Dr. about all of it. Bite the bullet again and face up to these things that I CANNOT avoid. :(

Cheese

Living on cheese slice sandwiches. NOT really a fabulous choice but they only cost $2 as opposed to all the other cheeses being $4-$5...and I'd eat better but don't even get me started...I don't have meds either that I need...hopefully I'm picking them up tomorrow...but...I need insulin tomorrow so they may have to wait a week again...I don't have ENOUGH money to pay for meds and school and food and bills!!!!!!!

Swollen Feet

Not doing very well keeping track of my food and water in tracker. :(
Also worrying myself because for the last three or four days now my feet have been swelling. It is less than it was the first day but still it feels very uncomfortable and has me a bit stressed and worried.
Thankfully I will see the Dr. tomorrow and see what's going to happen next.
Otherwise I have been searching out quotes today and trying to keep myself hopeful.
I am a worrywart so learning NOT to stress myself is very difficult sometimes. I think I am getting better at it but yikes!!