Into the New Year

 Still taking life one day at a time.

Still dealing with covid. Have had 2 shots and a booster and am doing ok so here's hoping covid doesn't get me!

I can't believe it's been going on for 2 years now!

I also can't believe we're into February already!! 

So still going along doing my thing but some days are a bit MORE.

The thing nowadays is that we are having to use trickier parts of my graft in order to USE more of it and make it last longer.

So there are parts on both sides that are now unusable and are avoided and we have to get the needles in shorter parts to access the graft. They go in each end of the curve around my cherry blossom and also on either side of the one blossom (to avoid the ink). They go into the short space above the curve (and it's tricky around the curve because...it curves!! Can't always fit the whole needle in there...and the last places they use are up closer to the scar on my inner elbow on both sides. I generally don't move my arm much once we start so it's ok and I'm good with whatever they have to do. Grafts don't last as long as fistulas because they are made of plastic but my nurse explained that the graft is like layers so that's why you can use it for so long before it gets compromised. (3 years before the two spots became unusable)...when you see it on the sonosite (ultrasound machine-which makes everything easier) you can see that both sides are no longer shiny and look used up. So here's hoping the tricky spots take another 3 years before we have to figure out what next!!

In the meantime,

I am feeling tired and sometimes stressed and sometimes antsy.

It will pass but in the lows I'm just TIRED. More than one way.

Take a deep breath and carry on!

Waiting

I'm tired.
I go to clinic on Tues. and we'll see if I have dropped more function but I think maybe I have because even with my shots I'm tired and really have no energy to do much.
Hopefully this weekend we'll go to mom and dad's to see Michelle and have a visit and that will be fun but it will also be tiring.
I just wonder how long it will be until I have to start dialysis and how much time of being tired and without energy I will have to endure? I have so many jobs to do and no energy or desire to do any of them. :(
I really just wish that I can hold on until after hubby is off for the winter because we will have a week of training for dialysis to go through and I need him to be with me and learn how to take care of me :S
It could be that long or longer even and sometimes it gets difficult to deal with.
I am very isolated. Usually this doesn't bother me. I remember back when I used to work and I was forever getting sick with other people's germs. Isolation keeps me healthy. Sometimes though it's frustrating. Sometimes when I have the energy Gib and I go for a walk but even that I avoid...even though I KNOW that I should do it anyway...I look fine. I look good even. The more weight I lose I even look better but it's because I hardly eat and really don't enjoy it much either...How much of it can I endure? I MISS food and I miss things being delicious...I don't really even remember the last time I actually TASTED something good...everything is really pretty blagghhh and that is pretty hard to endure too. I always liked food. I always liked making new goodies for our parties and now I pretty much have no idea. Pretty much don't care much either cause I can't really enjoy it anyway :( but...I will keep on keeping on...
I need NEED need to drink more. My nurse says at least 6 cups a day and I know some days still I just can't do it :( it's very very hard. You would think the pain of gout foot would keep me drinking but instead I forget and then the foot starts again and I have to drink more than 6 cups to straighten me out. I wish I was better at all of this, I wish it was easier than it is. :( But again, I will keep on keeping on...because I have to figure it out. Somehow...
I think I'm supposed to learn something from all of this and I don't really know what that is. Right now all I know is that I'm tired. I have been many kinds of tired in my life and many of them have been much more difficult than this although this is a very slow, draining, long-term process and is so slowly gradual that I don't even really realize how bad I feel. I am just tired. Tomorrow I'm sure I'll feel better...

Aranesp~09/12/2013

Another shot done.
Starting to feel tired a lot again but I think its a sugar thing.
Working on it!

Aranesp~05/16/2013

Another shot taken...onward and forward.
Bad day today. :( Tired and out of sorts...

Tired

I don't feel well today and I'm very, very tired...both kidneys aching.
I hope that it's just a bad day and not an indication of things getting worse.
Going to visit mom & dad anyway today so I hope I perk up a wee bit!

Bloodwork

Tired again today.
Done my bloodwork...3 pokes later, and 2 bruises :S bahhhhhhhhh!!!
Hate bloodwork...but the silver lining is I don't pass out at the site of blood and I'm not afraid of needles so it really is no big deal that most of the techs and nurses CAN'T get my blood on the first try. I think this whole ordeal of my life is meant to teach me PATIENCE and most of the time I don't think I'm very good at it. HOWEVER, I will simply endure...not much choice eh? ;)

Tired

Having a cold, tired day today.
Trying to get my menu sorted and organized still.
Tomorrow our Santa's Choice order comes so I'll have to see what I can do with it to keep things going well. Idea for a book on living with pkd percolating in my head and maybe a companion cookbook. I'm also contemplating a secondary companion book of kidney/diabetes friendly smoothies. ALL books from the perspective of a person living and struggling with these diseases.
To share the things I've been learning. Then maybe there is some reason and purpose for enduring.